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Day 770: The Summerless Summer
This year the news has been splattered by alarming weather reports like a silent film soundstage wall after take thirteen of an epic pie fight. Much of the western world has been grappling with...
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Day 787: A Splatter Of Ketchup (or Catsup)
Of all the emails I receive, not counting those that pitch erectile magic or discount OxyKAUNTtiN, many implore me to tackle some of the most serious issues of our time in my articles. Sure, it’s fun...
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Day 799: Poon Adrift
Each of us possesses a limited reach of survival, a finite extension of our bodies’ and minds’ capabilities to endure. Fortunately, we live within the sanctuary of modernity, with a rather slim...
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Day 838: More Strangeness From The Road
Despite my wife’s overwhelming disinterest, one of my dream vacations involves combing the secondary highways of North America and tracking down the most boisterously benign roadside attractions the...
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Day 863: The Online Chinese Limbo
You may not have noticed, but while the Chinese economy is poised to plant its conquering flag upon the global marketplace, the country’s government is astoundingly fucked up. Fucked up and...
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Day 917: That Big Ol’ Salad Plate Known As Earth
There are certain scientific truths which appear to be inarguable. Light travels faster than sound, an explosion is exponentially more bad-ass when someone is walking slowly away from it, and the...
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Day 924: The Forbidden Foodstuffs
It was the same conversation, every time I’d stay over at a friend’s place when I was a kid. Inevitably my friend’s mother would learn that I was Jewish (I was one of two in my grade, so word...
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Day 949: Rumble In The Laotian Jungle
The air was as thick as a steak and almost as full of blood. Lieutenant, Junior Grade Dieter Dengler stared at each of his fellow P.O.W.s and wondered which of them would be up for the escape. There...
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Day 951: King Joffrey Was A Pussy
I just got through reading a Wikipedia article so poorly written and peppered with so many near-identical names my brain sneezed in agony. But at its heart was a narrative so foul and villainous, I...
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Day 955: Conquering The Energy Problem, Wang-Style
What if I told you that I’d recently unlocked a treasure of scientific magic so potent and transformative it would affect the way everyone on the planet conducted their everyday lives. “But wait,” you...
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Day 974: Punishing The Politicos – Worst Politicians Part 2
Every few years – or sometimes sooner than that – those of us in democratic countries who feel compelled to do so will cast our vote in hopes that it might help to steer our nation from the cesspool...
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Day 975: All Hail Norton I, Emperor Of These United States Of America
For all her achievements and triumphs, America just hasn’t been the same since the good ol’ days when the Emperor ran the show. It was a brief sliver of eccentric history (or ‘eccentristory’ – I’m...
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Day 988: That’s No Moon
With only a dozen days remaining of my self-imposed sentence in this asylum of perpetual prose, I am scootching toward the realization that there are some topics I will never get to. The hidden...
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